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The Mask I WearThe poison within me is all I feel,
It's the only part of me that's real;
It courses through my veins from day to day,
And the cure is what I neglect to say.
You look at me: I seem happy a lot,
But to seek inside is what you forgot.
Don't be fooled by the great mask I wear:
The mask that I show everyone out there.
With it, you see what I want you to see,
And I try to hide what's inside of me.
Take some time to chip away at my mask,
Then you'll see through me as if I were glass.
It might take time, it might be right away,
You might need to try in a different way;
Just don't give up on me, you're all I need
To throw off the mask that I hold with greed.
If you want to know why I can't let go,
You need to find what I refuse to show.
If I show you, there is one thing I pray:
That you won't leave me here, that you will stay.
For if you go away you break all my trust,
And my other masks will be hard to bust.
Be that one for me, the one that will care;
I say, don't be fooled by the mask I wear
The Friend Who CaresI can see the pain in your eyes,
Something hurting deep inside,
Offering a hand to hold,
Your turn makes the moment cold.
It hurts me to see you there,
Pretending that you don't care;
I might not be what you need,
But I'll try to place every seed:
Hope for light to find your way;
Strength to see another day.
I'll hold to what I know is true:
That no matter what I'm here for you.
No matter what it takes,
A kind word, a warm embrace,
Just the gift of a friend:
To stay 'til the very end.
I know you'd do the same,
For trust is not a game.
Even if I never know,
I promise to not let go
Where Did You Go?I search for you
In the ruins of my soul.
You are not here,
I start to lose control.
This is a mess;
Disaster struck what I feel.
Needing your help
You disappear from what's real.
I get stuck here,
In a ess I made myself,
And I want out,
But I will change nothing else
Except one thing
That brings us to where we were:
Put you with me
And stay that way forever.
But things must change
Even if it's hard to cope,
I can't stay here
And slide further down this slope.
Where did you go?
I'm left here and i don't know
How I can leave
And still have something to show.
Time With YouEvery time I'm with you,
Even when there's nothing to do,
My heart races faster
And I don't want to leave you after.
When I'm not with you times get rough,
I want to be with you, it's never enough.
I make the best of the time i get,
Because I know It'n not over yet.
I love every single thing you do,
I love every part of you.
Move on with RegretI can't believe I was so blind,
Now I feel like I'm left behind;
I call out to you to help me stand,
You don't even lend me a hand.
I hear that you are moving on,
But I'm stuck and my strength is gone.
Others help, but it just won't do:
I can only be saved by you.
I've forced myself to keep on track,
Yet these thoughts hold me back.
My anger is now growing strong,
I only hope it won't last long.
My heart is fixed and turned away,
But a small part for you will stay:
This part holds the memories
Of when I lived with no worries.
Now I wish I could just forget,
'Cause all I see now is regret.
These things inside just kill me;
I want to move on, to be free.
I give up on you, I feel pain,
And know that it drives me insane
You know it's not part of my style,
But I can't bear to see you smile.
Can't Stop ChangeI'm not the same as I was before,
And I know I will change even more.
It's not all that I want it to be,
But I find it shows me what is me.
I find I'm no longer innocent,
Yet that is only giving a hint;
Seeing where I'm good and where I'm not
Show me somethings I may have forgot.
Life goes on, that I just can't deny,
But to stay the same is a big lie.
I can try, but I will make that choice
That will change the way I share my voice.
I will always go for what is right,
To be myself will still be a fight.
Somethings I know will still be the same,
Others are what are hard to tame.
When i see through all the pain and lies,
That is when any change will arise.
There are things I don't want to become:
A monster to most, stranger to some.
Through fight and through every fall,
I will do things that will change my all.
I'll still be myself at any rate;
These changes are all part of my fate.
One EscapeThese thought are always there,
They show that I do care;
Although I make them hide,
Sometimes I think I've lied.
I cave into myself,
Not seeking any help;
But that is what I need
To be freed from my greed.
I want to fly away
To escape here someday;
But the future scares me:
What it brings if set free.
I hold to what i know,
Even when I should go
That's why something so small
Is what it takes to fall.
People hold out their hands,
But I look to other lands.
I'm trapped inside this hole,
The one I made alone
If escape could be near,
I don't think I'de hear:
I see only one way out;
And it ignores my shout.
Trapped in YouselfLook around, and see the Brokenness out there
It's all around, and you don't even care.
Trapped inside your selfish needs
Shunning everything so you cannot see;
This life you live is falling down,
Can't wait until you hit the ground.
You fall apart and you think that it's the end,
But from the start, It's only happening again
Fighting for everything you want
Won't get you anywhere,
your life might seem full,
But in truth it's bare.
Take a look at those you see,
They might be the ones in need.
Break away from all you need,
Healing woulds that only bleed.
Saving those in misery,
Maybe then you you will receive.
Becoming MeI don't know what to say,
Dreams fell apart today.
I'll build them up again,
Just need to wait 'til then.
There are things that stop me
In ways I cannot see,
From becoming someone
Who will not turn and run.
The animal inside;
Too long I've let it hide.
It now starts to break out
And changes my life's route.
But with a break down
It just brings me around;
I see how far I've ran,
I'm proud of who I am.
Nothing seems differant,
But the change I feel it.
It took a lot of time,
Never crossing the line.
I was never without help,
I just became myself.
Finally I can breathe
I've learned from all I've seen.
If you don't like me now,
I'll keep pushing the plough.
Laugh at me if you want,
My answer will be blunt.
I don't care what you think
You won't make my pride shrink.
You don't control my life,
I'm not scared of your knife.
SometimesIf you want me to care,
you all but have to say a word,
enlighten me with your sorrows.
If you stay quiet forever,
and never let me in,
how can I make it better?
warm yourself by our fire,
and whisper so no other can hear.
I will make you laugh,
I will make you cry,
but I will make it better.
Nameless ThingI've sat at this café so long that the waitress is starting to wonder
who this strange person is at table six who puts creamer in her
coffee and then forgets to stir it every time.
[She knows when it's time for a refill because that last sip
comes with a wince and a snarking-back of cold coffee-grinds.]
The cook's been out twice to catch a glimpse of this mysterious customer
who only orders condiments and utensils, and writes
synonyms for "synonym" in the window haze,
watching the I's cry.
I lean my chin in my hand and watch the world;
listen to the click of heels on linoleum,
the slamming shut of windows and descending-swish of blinds.
It's all just so mundane.
I wish to hear the music again; the metaphors and anecdotes:
babble translating to verse.
The man at the table next to me knits;
the muscles in his arms throbbing to the drone and jumble
of dishwashers and air-conditioners.
Music notes lay buried in his fingertips,
inked into his flesh, most likely, during a bout of
BeingBeing a girl
Doesn't make me
Less intelligent than you;
Weaker than you;
Less determined than you;
More vulnerable than you;
Less talented than you.
Being me makes me
Witty and persevering;
Outspoken and creative;
Original and unique;
Charming and clever;
And obviously more
Open-minded than you.
Days of PainI'm just so tired of this pain,
Tired of burying it every day,
Having it kill my insides,
Smothering me when I feel okay,
I hate how I need a crutch,
But on my own it's just way too much.
This burden weighs down my soul,
It holds me beneath waves of pain,
Every time I try to breathe,
The toxin just gets in again,
Somehow it flows through my veins,
Leaving my heart streaked with inky stains.
Why won't the darkness recede,
Where is the light from my burning sun,
I just want to escape,
I'm far beyond just coming undone,
It's so hard to remain strong,
When your world feels terribly wrong.
It isn't right that I feel like a weight,
Dragging my close friends down,
So I attempt to keep things inside,
But on my own I'm likely to drown,
These poisoned waves sap my soul,
And when I'm weak I can lose control.
Keeping it together is very hard,
All I want is normality,
To experience days free of hurt,
I just want to be relaxed and free,
This place is bad for my health,
Maybe soon I'll feel like myse
AloneI dim the lights,
And turn on the TV,
Even though I'm not watching I leave it on,
It's the news, seems like another fight,
Why's the world so violent?
I take my time going to sleep,
I close my eyes,
I see someone's face,
I think I recognize her,
But I can't remember her name,
Who is she?
With eyes like that it must be a sign,
But I brush it aside,
Even in my fantasies,
I'm afraid of showing my feelings inside.
What's wrong with me?
My life isn't that bad
What's wrong with me?
I won't accept that I'm sad
I'm not, am I?
Am I? I don't know
The next day, I go to school,
I hear laughter,
Is someone talking to me?
I hear voices after all,
Though I can't make out any of them
Is there something wrong with my hearing?
There must be.
Even thought people are laughing,
I wonder how many are faking it,
How many are wearing masks behind their depression?
I look around and find my group of friends,
Is that the right word to describe them?
Sometimes I wonder
ComplicateToo often in our lives
We complicate things,
Cluttering our minds and hearts
With useless worries and fears.
Instead of drinking in the Summer sun
Or becoming mesmerized by your coffee,
You worry about getting sunburnt
And consuming too much caffeine.
We forget to take pleasure
In a simple hello and goodbye;
A smile shared, an "I love you",
A hug given for no reason.
We analyse every look and smile
Since each syllable means something;
Even a tiny thing such as an emoticon
Has a deeper meaning these days.
A simple "how are you" or "why"
Can be seen as offensive,
As too intrusive, as nosy,
Too demanding and suspicious.
Just talking to someone of the opposite gender
For more than a few minutes
Will have people automatically assuming
The two of you are in a relationship.
Instead of enjoying the music,
We criticize the lyrics, discuss the tune,
Making the song so technical,
Sucking it dry of any emotion.
Just sitting alone on your bed
Listening to "Florence and the Machine"
Is an effective
MirrorWhat do you see,
when you look into your reflection?
Do you see a pretty, perfect face?
The face of a confident person?
Do you see what you can achieve?
What you can conquer?
Do you see the person that everyone knows,
and the person everyone loves?
For me it’s different.
I see nothing worthwhile.
I see cracks in the mirror,
where all my dreams had been shattered.
Shards of the mirror sit around me,
as I count out the days.
I count them out as if I'm insane,
waiting for God to take me from this world.
I run my finger along the glass’ edge,
feeling the sweetness of it’s touch.
Pulling open my skin, and letting the blood go,
is like letting out a bird.
Looking up at the mirror’s pieces,
my eyes wandering the broken glass.
I notice there is nothing there,
And that’s what the world must see in me.
I'm Only MeI'm Only Me...
I may not be as pretty as those girls in magazines.
I may not be as skinny as those girls who are models
I may not have those sparkling eyes you desire.
I may not have the figure you want.
I may not have the skin color you seek.
I may not be the race you love.
I may not have the perfect voice.
I may not be as cool as you want.
I may not have the happy attitude you want.
I may not have the perfect smile you want to see.
But I have other things that those girls don't have...
I have the strength to say I'm proud to not look like those girls in magazines.
I have the right mind to be happy I'm not as skinny as those models.
I have the will power to be happy with my eyes.
I have the honor to say I'm happy with my figure.
I have the ability to be proud of my race.
I have the pride to be happy with my skin color.
I have the courage to sing for a crowd, and say my voice is wonderful.
I have the drive to be my own person, not some follower.
I have the bravery to not pretend I'm ha
AmaranthineThe ache of youth
And seasoned untruth
Like corsairs flee
To the surging sea
Every last treasure
And mundane pleasure
Like rivers will be
One with the sea
But wisdom at hand
Like grains of sand
Will return to me
Braving the sea
For all a man learns
And in toil he earns
He plants in a tree
That endures the sea.
Who I WasI still dream of the days
That will never be the same;
Going through these ups and downs
Have kept me from running rounds.
I used to be someone else
The one who cared for himself,
But now i see that I have grown,
Losing colors that I have shown.
I show new ones all the time,
And it's hard to stay in line.
Trying to do what is right
Just becomes a greater fight.
I won't be someone I'm not,
If I try, I just forgot.
There will be a change in you,
For me that's hard to get through;
But when it happens to me,
It's not as easy to see.
I learn to accept these things
For I hear life always sings
A tune that will never change,
So changes will be my gauge.
If I change, I'm doing good,
And living life as I should.
dead dog julyI.
the summer heat lays limp in the city’s lap,
breathing long oppressive breaths.
it does not even lift its lolling head
to bark out hoarse indignancy
when a strange man brings the mail.
there might be heavy rain today,
brought by some swollen, murmuring cloud.
the world will whirl and howl,
then settle down,
to die a little more.
o, quickly, love,
press your back against the wall in fear
as the universe spreads her arms and
shuts her eyes
and starts to summon the end of all things.
come with me
to the place of windows full of speechless afternoon
hot windy whispers of half-formed solutions and resolutions,
sweltering sunlit meadows we’ll wander and then forget.
o quickly, love,
let’s to the season of forgetting
and unwind all of our harshest memories
and fill the universe’s mouth
with mute cotton.
i’ll whisper these words to you some evening
with all my exigency in the hand i rest on your arm—
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More